Five Mistakes Commonly Made by Parents in Custody and Divorce Cases

Dec 8, 2017 | Written by: Diana N. Fredericks, Esq. | Share

Custody & parenting time disputes are often the costliest, emotionally and financially.  Unlike an asset, which has a specific value (or a discernible value, even if you cannot agree), children are priceless.  It is nearly impossible for anyone to tell you that your child is not worth the cost of pursuing what you believe to be in his/her best interest.  However, there are a number of common mistakes that you, as a parent, should avoid.  Otherwise, you may end up spending even more money doing damage control.  Avoiding these mistakes is not hard or complicated, and may save you thousands of dollars in fees and a lot of emotional anguish.  These mistakes include:

1. You Do Not Take Your Attorney’s Advice
2. You Involve Your Child in the Litigation
3. You Have Your Children Write a Letter to the Court
4. You Post Information About Your Child on Social Media
5. You Are Not Honest with Experts
   

1. You Do Not Take Your Attorney’s Advice

You have hired your chosen attorney for a reason, and you are paying him or her good money, so why would you ignore the advice?  If you think the advice is wrong, spend the money to have a second opinion from a reputable family law attorney who is familiar with the judge involved in your case.  If you disagree with your attorney continually, ask yourself why you chose this attorney and whether you may be better off with new counsel.  It is important that you respect and understand your attorney’s point of view in managing your case, or you may be set up to fail.

2. You Involve Your Child in the Litigation

Do not send messages through your child to your spouse.  Do not ask your child what goes on at the other parent’s home.  Do not ask your child about the other parent’s paramour.  Do not probe your child for information.  These may seem like obvious statements, but unfortunately, more often than not, even though it may be inadvertent, children are used as carriers of information in divorce litigation.  This is detested by judges and, even though the information may be important or valuable, you will likely lose credibility and favorability points with the court if you engage your child in such a way.  There may be other ways to gather this information, such as through experts in the field, so that the information is presented in a neutral manner and is more likely to garner effect.

3. You Have Your Children Write a Letter to the Court

Do not have your children write letters to the judge or the court.  If the court wants to hear from a child and believes it to be appropriate, the judge will schedule the interviews in the appropriate way, giving everyone notice, and usually providing an opportunity to propose questions for the court to consider during the interview process.  Again, do not have your child write a letter to the court, or to your attorney, and do not append such a letter to your motion papers.  

4. You Post Information About Your Child on Social Media

Do not post information about your child on social media.  Quite frankly, it may be prudent to stay off social media completely, which is something you should definitely discuss with your attorney.  For example, if you are in the midst of a custody battle and you post photos on social media of your child eating a steak, but the other parent is a vegan and raises the child that way, this could become an actual trial issue.  Will the Court view this as intentional and dismissive of the other parent?  Could this be viewed as a failure to communicate and cooperate in matters of parenting the child, which are factors considered in custody disputes?  Very possibly, yes.

5. You Are Not Honest with Experts

In many custody disputes there is an expert, either by agreement or by Court appointment, joint or partisan.  It is critical that you meet with your attorney and strategically plan for meetings with such experts.   An experienced attorney will have been down this road before (hopefully, many times) and can give guidance about the process.  Moreover, such experts specialize in custody matters, so do not think you will “trick” them.  It is important to be prepared for these meetings and to be honest.  A report from an expert that indicates you attempted to be less than forthcoming will not help your case. 

There may be exceptions in limited to circumstances for any/all of the above, but they are called exceptions because they are rare.  Before involving your children in your divorce litigation or making any of the mistakes above, be candid with your attorney as to all the facts/circumstances and be sure you schedule some time with counsel to weigh the pros/cons of same.